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Tantric sex, the how and what of it

Updated: Oct 1, 2021

Defining tantra


Tantra is truly about connection, whether it's with yourself or with a partner, despite the fact that it's typically associated with sex in the western world. After all, the word itself means "web" or "to weave energy" and is borrowed from ancient Sanskrit. Tantra is about enlightenment in practice, which means transcending both the sexual and spiritual levels via highly mindful, spontaneous, and intimate intercourse.



Getting started


Make a secure environment for yourself


Tantric sex should always be performed in a sacred and comfortable environment. Prepare a room in your house by cleaning it, lowering the lights, lighting candles or burning incense, and playing soothing music. You and your spouse should wash and select something to wear that makes you both feel comfortable and sensuous in order to prepare for the practice. To prevent distractions and be in the present moment, turn off or mute your phone.


Practice eye contact


To begin, sit up straight in front of your partner and stare each other in the eyes. This procedure, also known as eye gazing or soul gazing, may make you feel uneasy at first, but fight the temptation to look away.


You should feel yourself relax and glide into a state of even deeper connection and intimacy after a few minutes of extended eye contact. To stay in tune and strengthen the mind-body connection, you might hold hands or synchronize your breathing throughout this stage.


Creating a circuit


A “hands-on-heart” circuit is a frequent next step following eye staring. Each pair should lay their right hand on their partner's heart and their left hand over their own heart to complete the circuit. Increase your physical and spiritual connection by tuning into the love and affection you feel coming from your and your partner's bodies.


Increase the amount of physical foreplay

You may boost sexual excitement by adding more physical foreplay once you've formed a deep connection. Deep, gentle kissing or a sensuous full-body massage might help to heighten the tantric experience.


Be as comfortable as possible


Tantric sex does not always have to end in penetration. Determine your partner's expectations for the session by speaking with them. If you and your lover wish to engage in sexual activity, begin with the yab-yum posture, which represents the union of male, penetrative forces (Shiva), and feminine, receptive energies (Shakti).


Regardless of gender, any partner can play either role. The penetrative partner sits cross-legged on their lap with their legs wrapped around their lower back for yab-yum, while the receptive partner sits in their lap with their legs wrapped around their lower back. Start exploring any positions, lubes, or sex toys you both love in addition to yab-yum. As you're having sex, try to keep breathing deeply and keeping calm.

Tantric sex has a specific purpose


Tantra is about reframing sex as more about intimacy, connection, and playful possibilities than a race to the climax or a box to be ticked. There is simply no end when you let go of ambitions like "getting someone off" or achieving anything specific.


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